Sex News + Poll: What’s normal anymore?!

I noticed that the filters picked up a lot of stats for the past couple weeks so I thought this theme would be “one in  three/four/five”

One in Five Brits think monogamy isn’t sexy, one in three think it’s not natural

One in Five Teens aren’t getting the sex talk

One in Five Married men have had extra marital affairs during their marriage

One in Five Teens have been victims of dating abuse

One in Three Brits have knocked boots at work, lots of other stats, too

One in Four American Teens have an STD

Man those Brits have their stats together.

Annnnnd Smoke A Poll Wednesday Means:

Lazy, Sexy Weekend: Now with Burlesque!

M came down Friday night and we slept well into the next afternoon. Serious laziness – it’s the kind that actually leaves you exhausted from doing absolutely nothing for hours at a time. So, it was no surprise when Rae showed up to meet M and I was nearly too tired to go out for the night. But Rae convinced me to go to Palace of Wonders to see a burlesque show and have a couple drinks.

Anyone in the DC area ought to check this place out – it’s in a shady part of town but it’s very much a old-school carnival themed bar/venue complete with freak show attractions, popcorn, the pinstriped curtains. We got there and had a few drinks – M and Rae got along just fine and upon learning Rae wasn’t wearing panties under her dress, I think they got along even better. The show was amazing but M playing with Rae was extremely distracting and I wasn’t exactly sad to leave with a lovely lady and very anxious bf. The ride home was…interesting, with all of us all over each other, we got quite a few confused and intrigued looks.

We got home and fooled around some, Rae received punishments for her past infractions including:

Balancing a piece of candy against a wall while maintaining top notch

Too much flailing here

kneeling posture. This was fu cause I got to try out my new spreader bar,

Writing lines “I will not make excuses” while bound

16 hairbrush strokes to the thighs – the squealing she did for this got M from 0 to raging hard-on so fast that it caught him off guard.

We kept busy from 3 AM to 7 AM …slept a few hours and woke up to play well into this afternoon. Let’s see…I recall something like a 669 and killer cuddling and M criticizing my style of D/s, It’s all good, I think everyone came twice with the regular mix of choking, control, bondage and the glass dildo. And, with great feedback from both parties, I’m curious to see where this could lead. Unfortunately, nowhere in the next two weeks as I have to study study study for the GRE. Maybe I can steal a few kisses in the meantime.

To Punish or Not to Not Punish? I Can Justify My Feelings on This…

First off, my co-author, Mme. Hovary will return soon with all kinds of lovely posts. I miss them so.

So, Rae cheated on her diet big time – fried food, alcohols and cigarettes – but I can’t punish her cause she’s sick. It’s so lame. I’m very much disappointed with her for screwing up but that maternal-ish nature in me that wants to hug and kiss her until she gets better is getting in the way.

 

But, as I type this out, I can’t help but think that maybe her little cold was caused by the previously made transgression. Smoking damages the immune system last I checked as does excessive alcohol intake. I’m not sure how funnel cake could be related but I’m sure it’s not doing any good for anybody. Oh wait wait wait I found this random article that says fried foods cause cancer!!! So, yeah, Boosh.

I’m no scientist but I’m perfectly comfortable with concluding that Rae is sick and missing out on major fun time with me because she deviated from the healthy diet/lifestyle changes I set up for her.  I could just let it go and assume that the cold is enough punishment but now I’m far too comfortable with tanning her ass for slipping up in the first place.

Once again, blogging alleviates my guilt and directs me to solution that finds me in the right. Awesome.

Now watch me get carried away with these cool new polls

What is your favorite boob size?

In honor of the new polls and Breast Awareness Month, here is a poll about breasts that in its futile subjectivity will probably not give any useful insight on the topic. Vote away, regardless!

My answer is A cup. Cause I’d just rather go sans bra.

I proclaim Wednesdays from this Wednesday forward, “Smoke A Poll” Wednesdays which will provide sexy yet pointless polls to determine just how kinky this blog’s readers are.

Weekend in Annapolis: Piercings, Bondage, Etc.

Spent the weekend with my sweetie, M, in Annapolis, where he’s finishing up his final year of college. Aj was conveniently unavailable for us to play with, so we made our own fun. HOWEVER, our firtst night together was pretty unsavory. For those of you considering an apadrvya piercing for your or your partner’s cock please consider the following:

1. They take forever to heal – M’s took something close to a year, which meant very little sex, which meant we fought fairly often.

2. The cock becomes dependent on the piercing to sustain an erection – that means if you wanna go without for one night, you basically can’t. M tells me sex feels just spectacular with the piercing but when oral or anal comes into the picture the piercing has to come out and keeping it hard takes just about everything I have in me.

3. The jewelry has to fit PERFECTLY – We learned this after losing pieces of the barbell and after an oversized one did some painful stuff to my vagina. Never again. Oh and if you get the wrong metal your body will reject the piercing in a gross way (M has lost two rungs of his Jacob’s ladder to this)

4. Blow job givers must do a complete overhaul on their techniques – I happen to be blessed with a benign tumor on the roof of my mouth that gives a hollow click when the piercing makes an appearance. Also, it tickles.

The middle two are especially pertinent to my weekend; M managed to get a new barbell whose metal I am apparently severely allergic to and taking out the piercing resulted in him unable to orgasm. Gah. But we got past it and had some amazing adventures in orafice exploration.

M tied me up…extremely well (using my new green rope, yay). Something about being very tightly bound gets me worked up so much that I’m just dying to cum before the last knot is finished. He barely managed to skim and spank my exposed skin before I came every breath out of my body. It was intense. I actually was a pretty decent sub that night – he would just give me that look of “I will end you” and I just suppressed all switchy urges. Actually, that look reminded me of the scene in Pitch Black where Vin Diesel destroys the hammer-head whooping monster with his badassery and then declares “He did NOT know who he was fucking with” It’s funny because for a long time M struggled to find ways to punish lil masochistic me and he’s become terribly creative to get around it. I can never tell what’s going on in his head and that makes me get my shit together.

Good times and then there was sushi, soccer, Octoberfest, watching Exit to Eden (worst soundtrack I’ve ever heard) and cleaning M’s room.

52 Words for Breast = Happy Boobie Month!

DOUBLE POST – Screw my life’s desires, more importantly, it’s National Breast Awareness Month! Love your lactoids! Caress your cans! Inspect your itty bitties! And so on…

Here’s a list of other names for breasts, brought to you by Everything2.com. I encourage you to use all of them before the month is out.

1. babooms
2. bajongas
3. baloobas
4. bazongas/bazongies/bazonkers
5. bazookas
6. bazooms
7. boobs/boobies
8. bosom
9. bouncers
10. breasts – of course
11. bust
12. buzwams
13. chest
14. chesticles
15. diddleys
16. double D’s
17. droopers
18. floppers
19. funbags
20. garbanzos/garbonzas
21. gazongas
22. goodies
23. headlights
24. honkers
25. hooters
26. jigglers
27. jubes
28. jugs
29. knockers
30. lactoids
31. lungs
32. mammaries/mams/mamms
33. mazoombas
34. melons
35. milkers
36. mounds
37. nubbins
38. palookas
39. puppies
40. rack
41. ta-tas
42. tatties
43. teats
44. thingies
45. tits/titties
46. tooters
47. torpedoes
48. whoppers
49. wobblers
50. wongas
51. yabbos
52. zeppelins

My Vocation is Clear: Sex Ed

So with the support of my friends and M, I’ve decided to get started on the course to being a Sex Therapist and Educator. Before this decision made around…oh…midnight last night, I was studying for the GMAT for an MBA or something with plans to become a therapist later on. Even typing it out now, that plan doesn’t really make much sense – why should I hold off on a career I’ve been excited about since I was in middle school?!

That question wasn’t rhetorical…I was actually unsure at first if all the sex talk and advice I could dole out was just for gossip sake (nope) or if I liked it just because I’m horny a lot (not so much anymore). It’s taken about six years to figure all this out even though when people who aren’t my parents ask what my life plans are, I always say “sex therapist”. Business was fun for my undergrad, but managerial accounting AGAIN? No, thank you. Did it for my parents anyway.

I’m afraid to tell them this plan of mine although with my streak of abnormal pursuits (piercings, tattoos, cutting all my hair off, being bi – they don’t officially know that one yet, but they know), my choice to research and educate in sexuality shouldn’t come as much of a surprise. And what parent can turn down a kid with a PhD?! None.

Plus, I figure there’s gotta be some job where marketing and sex therapy or sexology come together (hehe, come together)

Meaning/lessness of sex, part 2

Does sex between two people mean less if everyone learns what you’re doing?

Also, in response to Mlle. Nottibits’s comment – it seems men derive varying levels of pleasure from post-BJ attention.  Some guys find Jesus in post-orgasm blowjob bliss, while others experience discomfort.  BF usually prefers I discontinue a blowjob after he cums, which is why Saturday was of interest.

Our friends at the Guide to Getting It On suggest it generally feels pretty good to have your dick sucked, whether or not the penis is erect.   So I imagine most of the time, boys will appreciate your time and effort below the belt.

But everyone’s different, so it can never hurt to ask your gent friend(s) how they prefer their fellatio!

Admission – I prefer my oral sex barrier-free.  I know I should use condoms and shiz, but oral sex is one of the most beautiful, unadulterated forms of pleasure on this good planet.  I do try to mind what I put in my mouth.  For me, oral sex can be a lot more intimate than vaginal sex, which is why I slept with BF (using condoms) long before I blew him.

If we’re both clean and monogamous, to my knowledge, then is it still irresponsible to forego the condom/dental dam during oral sex?

Patience is a virtue – I’ll burn in hell

Hooray!  Mme. Hovary had a delightful week in bed.  Three fucks in a week isn’t stellar, but I think we made ‘em count.

On Wednesday, BF and I went to dinner with his coworkers, then came home and watched the telly with his roomie.

It’s always awkward to leave your friends and head into the bedroom, but I’ll obviously put aside my discomfort to get some.  We fell into bed and kissed and kissed.  I’ve started to really enjoy making out, and I find it incredibly sexy.

We took our time to get warmed up.  Once he was inside me, he whispered into my ear and it so turned me on I came as he spoke.  It was a really fabulous orgasm, made even better because I felt him cum too.  I wasn’t quiet.  Quiet is no fun anyway.

I slept over Friday night, no action to report.  I wish he liked morning sex, but I think he prefers to be awake and clean before doing me.  Go figure.

So after we showered and dressed Saturday morning, he rummaged around but was out of condoms.  So we made out and I blew him.  He thrust into me and came in the back of my throat.  I figured he’d tell me when to stop, so after he came I continued to lick, kiss, and suck his cock.

I think he enjoyed it.  This went on a while, to the point where my legs were quite unamused after kneeling over him so long.

After lunch, we went to the Phillips Collection, then visted CVS for more Durexes.  We had dinner in the living room with my roomie and she put in Sleeping Beauty so we watched that.  It’s certainly not the most progressive movie, but it sufficed for entertainment and mockery.

Our going-out plans fell through, so we headed back to his place and hung out on the couch.  Sleepytime was nigh, so we settled into bed.  I was still in my sexy undies, and I was drowsy but still horny.  I thought we’d actually sleep, but BF apparently changed his mind so we had a good fuck.  And his roomie was gone that night so I didn’t worry about being loud.

We’ve gotten better about asking for what we like and communicating what feels good.  I find this development really hot, though when I fuck I have this earnest, I-want-to-please voice that isn’t as seductive as one would hope.

Actually, as I post I’m inspired to start giving orders in bed.  Angelina Jolie is my wet dreamgirl; that sort of effect is what I’d love to shoot for – assertive, lethal, and sexy as hell.

This caps another weekend of somewhat spartan yet delicious sex.  I’m so glad I’ve gotten my groove back.  I think the cure was patience, lingerie, a focused, sexy frame of mind, and a lovely boyfriend.  Enjoy the rest of the weekend, and happy fucking!

F*ck you CVS, I wanna f*ck

Made a trip to the CVS to get another season’s worth of pills – I still dread this trip because I know my parents’ insurance for me will be cut off at any moment, it could be a $15 trip or a $75+ one. I can never tell. Luckily it’s still $15 and I can go on with my cyst-free, mittelsmertz-free, baby-free existence. Thank the sweet lord.

So anyway, while I’m waiting for my prescription to be filled, I mosey on down to the family planning section to see what exciting new lubes awaited me. They were all there to be sure, planted next to their latex and lambskin brethren but they were caught in some sort of plastic prison. There were buttons and levers and directions. I, for the life of me, could not see the point of all the stuff but I was certainly discouraged from trying to obtain any of those things. A little further down the aisle were the home pregnancy tests behind lock and key and a sign, “Please contact a salesperson for assistance”

I pray that all these provisions were in place to prevent theft. Even so, aren’t the purchase of these family planning items enough stress without going through all kinds of due process and noisy contraptions? I recall a particular late period, going to buy a pregnancy test…I was younger and I knew what sort of stares buying such a thing would attract. Indeed I got enough looks just being in the aisle – I was nervous, I was scared and incredibly paranoid. It took all I had just to get to the aisle, to the register and out the door. If I had to ask for “assistance” (which I imagine would have rushed me through the selection process), I think I might have lost the nerve. Lord knows I wasn’t or ever will be the only stupid, god-fearing, scared witless teenager to buy a home pregnancy test or condoms, for that matter, so I saw those locks and levers and just felt sad.

When I picked up my prescription I asked the pharmacist about the reasoning behind the family planning lockdown. She told me that “It’s just the way it is here, it just depends on the CVS” and that’s all I got. I tried for a better answer just to find that none of the employees were really sure what the deal was with the family planning section. So, I guess they expected people who really needed those items to grow pair, steal from somewhere else or go without. My guess is that going without was the choice for those who really needed it.