The First Thing I StumbledUpon Today

Perfect.
After a long night of prepping for a dinner party, I took a hot shower, masturbating for about 3/4 of it. It was nice but I would’ve loved an extra hour to dedicate to the task. I remember a time in my life where I’d spend an entire day masturbating or at least an entire morning. Now, I’m lucky if I get a hot second to myself…but in the meantime I’ve trained my body to adapt to this time constraint. I flood my brain with images and words that bring me to an orgasm with a few pumps of my glass dildo but I imagine that being incredibly horny all day helps, too.

This time I imagined my current crush, a girl I met last week with a beautiful mouth. I imagined her in a strap on fucking me senseless with moans and “I’m gunna cum so hard” spilling out of her beautiful mouth.

Ahh…maybe I need to take a sick day soon.

See the Light

It’s freezing here and this photo warms me up

Indeed

I’ve been watching an obscene amount of The L Word lately – I was so behind for so long and finally have the time to watch this ridiculous melange of Lifetime and softcore porn.

So, I’m on season 4 and there’s a dinner party where Jenny says something like if you’re a lesbian then you wanted a monkey as a pet as a little girl and straight girls wanted horses. Everyone at the party immediately dismisses this crank nonsense because Jenny’s generally considered insane..I do too and I think on it some more. Were there any tells from my childhood revealing the sexual thing I am now?

I never wanted a monkey as a pet…I think I wanted a shark. None of my “deviancies” really needed to manifest themselves in any kind of telling habit or anything; I so enjoyed keeping my secrets. Thinking about it all now, I can barely recall my devotion and obsession with women. However, if I were ever to forget there are two physical manifestations of my gaydom as it was from age 12 to 15; my porn box, a shoe box with the insides lined with images of naked and half naked women from fashion magazines and my favorite binder with the insides lined with any picture I could find of Milla Jovovich.

It’s funny that I felt the need to keep the former a secret but never saw a problem with the latter. Now that I think about it my parents, who I never really came out to about anything, must have seen it at some point. I thought it was perfectly normal to have a small shrine to a female actress/model but now I’m thinking not so much.

Then there were the sleepovers, the GSA, the panties that weren’t mine, the panties/corsets/fishnets/handcuffs I bought as gifts, late night phone calls, and all the lesbian website porn viruses on the family computer… They must have suspected something. Or at least they did til I dated M. Ha, I fooled them all!