XXXMas Gift Giveaway

Only because it’s frickin awesome, I have to post this promotion for a kinky toy giveaway on Fetlife. I would kill really to have anything on this list of amazing items.

http://fetlife.com/sit_on_santas_lap

EH….or meh?

Being black, everytime I start dating someone new outside my race (which is extremely often) I can’t help but wonder if I’m being taken as some kind of novelty or what. This is certainly not unique to me however 9 times out of 10 I’m told “You know you’re the first black girl I ever…such and such”

In many cases, my race is linked to stereotypes – not necessarily the bad kind but just …how about inoffensive assumptions? Where am I going with this?

I’m starting to get involved with a non-black, non-Korean woman here who’s dated other black women before…exclusively I think. I didn’t really make anything of it until she asked me about these R&B artists I’d never heard of, then demanding “How is it possible you don’t know them?!” Why would I? Ask me about alternative rock or drum & bass and we might nod heads more often. I dunno, I guess it’s ok to assume I like R&B but then judging me harshly based on the fact that I don’t care for it yet am willing to listen is a little bit of a turn off. She demand-asked “Do you know any music at all?!” Well, I studied music for six and half years but that doesn’t count I guess. Sigh.

Whatever, I’m gunna fuck the shit out of her tonight.

The First Thing I StumbledUpon Today

Perfect.
After a long night of prepping for a dinner party, I took a hot shower, masturbating for about 3/4 of it. It was nice but I would’ve loved an extra hour to dedicate to the task. I remember a time in my life where I’d spend an entire day masturbating or at least an entire morning. Now, I’m lucky if I get a hot second to myself…but in the meantime I’ve trained my body to adapt to this time constraint. I flood my brain with images and words that bring me to an orgasm with a few pumps of my glass dildo but I imagine that being incredibly horny all day helps, too.

This time I imagined my current crush, a girl I met last week with a beautiful mouth. I imagined her in a strap on fucking me senseless with moans and “I’m gunna cum so hard” spilling out of her beautiful mouth.

Ahh…maybe I need to take a sick day soon.

See the Light

It’s freezing here and this photo warms me up

Indeed

I’ve been watching an obscene amount of The L Word lately – I was so behind for so long and finally have the time to watch this ridiculous melange of Lifetime and softcore porn.

So, I’m on season 4 and there’s a dinner party where Jenny says something like if you’re a lesbian then you wanted a monkey as a pet as a little girl and straight girls wanted horses. Everyone at the party immediately dismisses this crank nonsense because Jenny’s generally considered insane..I do too and I think on it some more. Were there any tells from my childhood revealing the sexual thing I am now?

I never wanted a monkey as a pet…I think I wanted a shark. None of my “deviancies” really needed to manifest themselves in any kind of telling habit or anything; I so enjoyed keeping my secrets. Thinking about it all now, I can barely recall my devotion and obsession with women. However, if I were ever to forget there are two physical manifestations of my gaydom as it was from age 12 to 15; my porn box, a shoe box with the insides lined with images of naked and half naked women from fashion magazines and my favorite binder with the insides lined with any picture I could find of Milla Jovovich.

It’s funny that I felt the need to keep the former a secret but never saw a problem with the latter. Now that I think about it my parents, who I never really came out to about anything, must have seen it at some point. I thought it was perfectly normal to have a small shrine to a female actress/model but now I’m thinking not so much.

Then there were the sleepovers, the GSA, the panties that weren’t mine, the panties/corsets/fishnets/handcuffs I bought as gifts, late night phone calls, and all the lesbian website porn viruses on the family computer… They must have suspected something. Or at least they did til I dated M. Ha, I fooled them all!

Going the distance

Kudos to those stalwart individuals like Mlle. Nottibits who can sustain long-distance relationships.

Kudos to those ballsy/idiotic individuals who are ready to tie the knot.  I wish you the best.

Kudos to you who can juggle it all -  families, meaningful career, meaningful hobbies, meaningful relationships, meaningful friendships, etc.

Sorry for the Dan Savage fail.  He was every ounce the delightfully inappropriate pottymouth you would expect.

Dan left 2 distinct impressions on me.

1) You know it’s love when you think his armpits smell fantastic.

2) Monogamy is normal, but it’s not natural.  Most people fuck up and cheat.  Open relationships and threesomes can be a good way to improve an otherwise monogamous relationship.

—

Commitment.  What’s the rush?

—

Nottibits – you’re a gem.  Good luck with the move, and have lots of fun and sex and illicit substances.  The District will not be as cool without you.  Let me know when you’re back.  I still owe you a drank, or many.

Good night, and good luck.

I need to meet some vanilla guys with ponytails…Obviously

When it comes to the fetish world, I know I can’t judge anyone based on their outside appearance – I think it works most of the time when there’s a leash and collar involved but otherwise I’m just screwed. When I meet new people in the typical places,  I try to gauge them from some conversation usually to no avail (one friend just asks “what side of the coin are you on”, I envy his brazenness). Where am I going with this…

From the male subs I personally know, I’ve created a stereotype for just about all really tall, slim guys with ponytails.  It’s bad, it’s gotten so bad that now I see these types out and about and think they all have secretly longings to be caged or beaten or otherwise humiliated.  There’s one guy with a trench coat (of course he has a trench coat..) I see near my workplace and the thought of him quietly polishing my boots in a corner fills my heart with joy and spreads a mischievous grin across my face. Really, I should know better but friends like Lou (pictured below) just make it all that much harder for me to see these long haired guys as anything but submissives* Besides, racial stereotypes are sooooo last year, sexual lifestyle ones are all the rage especially as kink is getting extra popular these days.  And there are certainly worse stereotypes out there, yes?

I’ll try to stop myself from thinking, daydreaming, fantasizing such things about the trench coated guy, god I hate to be so narrow-minded as to stereotype within the BDSM community.

*But, for the record, EVERY SINGLE GUY I know with long hair is a kinky motherfucker, no lie

Secretary

I finally watched the movie Secretary yesterday, which probably makes me the last person on Earth to do so.  It appears to be a universally beloved film, but I’ll add my thumbs up anyway.

Makes you want to fuck right there.

As it turns out, I was PO’d at BF by the end of the night, so no spankings were administered.

Next time he’s over I will try to coax him into trying the riding crop in my closet.  The first time he used it was last weekend to get me out of bed in the morning.

Instead, that little jolt provoked me to grind against the mattress.  I’m glad little has changed.

Sometimes he’ll bite my legs just before we fuck.  It’s not particularly pleasureable, less so than a crop, yet my body still gets super excited when he does.

Maybe someday I’ll understand how that works.

A long time cumming

Oh friends…it’s been too long.

Mme. Hovary, the prodigal daughter, is finally back online.  I am the proud new owner of a Dell desktop, and would like to say this was my 3rd online destination, shortly after installing Firefox and checking Gmail.  Haven’t even installed MS Office yet.

I am quite overdue for a post, but am eager to get back into the swing of things.

BF and I have been well.  We started dating a year ago this Thursday, so you can guess what this week has in store…

Dinner at the Odeon Cafe, and then an early night in.  The only hiccup in the plan is that unspontaneous sex is never quite as fun.

Will report back, with possibly some older anecdotes to recount.  Lots to catch up on!  So good night and happy screwing!

Hovary

The Gift of Tolerance

I have one of these Chrismas-hating types as an SO. No lights, no presents, no joyful wishings, no visits to any retail locations between Thanksgiving and January 2. I love Christmas to death. So, after five years of secretly dreading this time of year, M and I finally came to a reasonable compromise.

The only gifts we would exchange would be items to enhance epic Christmas Eve sex…or even love-making to reflect the joyful and often generous nature of the season. I think I got a good bargain, too – even though M says he will never indulge in Santa roleplay (we’ll see…), I get to listen to as much Christmas music as I want (except for Christmas shoes) before, during and after the epic sex. Oh, and there will be equally epic pancakes the next morning.

Mmm, Christmas pancakes.