back in the ussr

August 4, 2008

i went a full week without getting laid, and apparently this really fucks with my head.

part of it is traveling.  i get mopey on the road, and when i’m bored i think of sex.

part of it was the beautiful men in new york.

part of it was catching a clip of american psycho, where christian bale screws two prostitutes and that guy’s fiance.  i found this really erotic and glamourous, mostly because i was so starved for sex.  i don’t mind a little sex and violence, but this was a bit unusual, even for me.

part of it was the cute stranger in whose bed i slept.  i kinda hoped he’d come in and ask vera and i to fuck him, but he spent the night on his couch.

but probably the most jarring thing was my dreams.  in two nights i dreamt about making out with two different guys, none of whom i am currently dating.

in the second dream, i started to make out with bf, but then it turned out to be my ex.  i didn’t really care.

i was really turned on and started to cum.  it felt really good til i woke up and remembered my friend was sleeping six feet away.

background: it’s rumored he has been in love with me the last five years.  i don’t think the two months in afghanistan helped.  so that was exceedingly awkward, and borderline disturbing.

the last time my dreams were this sexual was last winter, when i went home for a couple weeks (ie no play).  i was still in a fwb arrangement, and feeling kind of like a whore.  i like the sensation of promiscuity, to a certain extent, but i’m really not cut out to screw around.

so when i went home to dry out from school and sex, various men screwed their way through my dreams.  this didn’t help my whore-guilt.  it got better once i came home and renewed a steady regimen of play.

sometimes emotional cheating doesn’t bother me.  i know it’s because i haven’t gotten ass, and it’ll go away when i do.

that said, it’s good to be home.

was there a boy in my bed this evening?  yes.  yes there was.  11pm and all’s well.

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