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Three-ways. The right way, the wrong way, and the Unsexy way

August 30, 2008

I have a hunch that the parties in question could be reading this and I just want to let them know that the title is in no way an exaggeration. Let us consider some of the key events of the particular night.

1. My original date was meant to be with a super hot, spunky okcupid lady. Win

2. I met her awesomely pragmatic, opinionated guy friend and we all went to a Pirate themed restaurant where we were assaulted by drunks and pirates. DOUBLE WIN.

3. I unleashed the awesome fury of my art through bath tub fingerpaint soap(got it for 5 bucks at BB&B) by which hot lady and pragmatic guy friend followed suit, a rinse in the shower was inevitable. A+

So, understand that even before a playful romp could commence, pretty exciting elements were already in the making for a perfect night. A night that more than successfully drew my mind out of the ugly prospect of moving very tiny hours later. I won’t go into the more sordid details of the evening but will instead take a look at some of the do’s and don’ts of the threesome concocting:

The Right Way: Playing games to keep everything casual. I’m a huge fan of the Strip Game which is the idea that any game can be made into a stripping one. Strip Trouble, Strip Boggle, Strip Go Fish, Strip Scrabble – let your imagination run wild. Strip Boggle is a good one due to its absolute absurdity and before you know it everyone’s laughing and carrying on in their undies.

The Wrong Way: Drinking games that inevitably end up bad. No question, alcohol is a great way to ease into a sexier mindset. Getting downright shit-housed will probably lead to bad sex, someone barfing in the middle of bad sex, or sleeping in the barf in the middle of bad sex.

The Right Way: Massages and Sesame Street brand bathtub finger paint (apparently)

The Right Way: Sexual conversation.

The Wrong Way: Being a dick. You have before you two beautiful black women ready to fuck you and each other senseless, it’s probably the worst time to hint at your pasty ass being the “Master Race”. Also, unless previously specified, don’t awkwardly order people to do your bidding. In the sense of everyone having a casual conversation and you interjecting with “I think it’s time for sex now.” These things can’t rushed; don’t be a dick.

That’s all I can think of for now. Even if every situation is different, I strongly believe that the smooth transition from third wheel to threesome is great atmosphere and laughter. Though it’s likely not everyone’s formula follows lady+guy+pirates+fingerpaint = balls to wall awesome night.

2 comments

  1. I love what you’ve done to your blog! ๐Ÿ˜€

    Yes I do like the header, btw, and the new text layout really pops.

    Also, fab posting lately. Did you go to the Argonaut or the Piratz Tavern? Or is there another pirate bar of which I am not aware???

    And certainly, I’d love to toast our success at Bound or wherever else you’d like to go. Let me know what works for you! As always, I’m wide open ๐Ÿ˜‰ xoxo


  2. My blog? Missy, this is your blog, too.I just have more time on my hands to baby it.

    Anyhow, we went to Piratz Tavern in Takoma – there were people singing in costume – it was a lovely time. We’ll have to frequent it when you’re not working crazy hours.

    I’m not sure what the next Bound event is but that really makes the difference for me – even though I’m sure you and the St.Andrew’s are likely the conclusion. ๐Ÿ˜‰

    Post, damn you. Post!



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