F*ck you CVS, I wanna f*ck

October 12, 2008

Made a trip to the CVS to get another season’s worth of pills – I still dread this trip because I know my parents’ insurance for me will be cut off at any moment, it could be a $15 trip or a $75+ one. I can never tell. Luckily it’s still $15 and I can go on with my cyst-free, mittelsmertz-free, baby-free existence. Thank the sweet lord.

So anyway, while I’m waiting for my prescription to be filled, I mosey on down to the family planning section to see what exciting new lubes awaited me. They were all there to be sure, planted next to their latex and lambskin brethren but they were caught in some sort of plastic prison. There were buttons and levers and directions. I, for the life of me, could not see the point of all the stuff but I was certainly discouraged from trying to obtain any of those things. A little further down the aisle were the home pregnancy tests behind lock and key and a sign, “Please contact a salesperson for assistance”

I pray that all these provisions were in place to prevent theft. Even so, aren’t the purchase of these family planning items enough stress without going through all kinds of due process and noisy contraptions? I recall a particular late period, going to buy a pregnancy test…I was younger and I knew what sort of stares buying such a thing would attract. Indeed I got enough looks just being in the aisle – I was nervous, I was scared and incredibly paranoid. It took all I had just to get to the aisle, to the register and out the door. If I had to ask for “assistance” (which I imagine would have rushed me through the selection process), I think I might have lost the nerve. Lord knows I wasn’t or ever will be the only stupid, god-fearing, scared witless teenager to buy a home pregnancy test or condoms, for that matter, so I saw those locks and levers and just felt sad.

When I picked up my prescription I asked the pharmacist about the reasoning behind the family planning lockdown. She told me that “It’s just the way it is here, it just depends on the CVS” and that’s all I got. I tried for a better answer just to find that none of the employees were really sure what the deal was with the family planning section. So, I guess they expected people who really needed those items to grow pair, steal from somewhere else or go without. My guess is that going without was the choice for those who really needed it.


  1. Yeah, condoms are also behind a glass case in too many pharmacies. It’s not even like this is particularly valuable merchandise. Fucking puritans. And I’m pretty sure this is a problem throughout DC, particularly in lower-income neighborhoods.

    Conservatives are opening pro-life pharmacies, maybe we should start a pro-woman, pro-family pharmacy!

    In the meantime, consider writing a letter or meeting with the manager of that store. They really need to hear from you, and if the manager doesn’t listen, go to the regional manager. I’m really good at writing letters and would love to help out. I’m happy to have a working dinner anytime, so let me know what works for you!

  2. I have every intention of doing so, dirty – don’t you worry. No offense but I would think that lower-income CVS patrons would need that stuff more than others.

    I’d just like to find out how they might really justify the condom prisons. Whatever excuse they can come up with will surely serve to piss me off.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: