Posts Tagged ‘Birth Control’


Concupiscent, desiring, hard up, hot to trot, hot, lascivious, libidinous, lustful, oversexed, passionate, randy, turned on

March 3, 2009

My ever shrinking budget demanded a few sacrifices in the past month to compensate for some other stuff, the crucial to living kind of stuff. This meant cutting oral contraceptives out of my life for awhile – the fact that the price per pack went up about 450% and that I’m not gettin laid made that decision a little easier. However, I am now defenseless against mittelsmertz and an old, long-forgotten affliction that might be something close to nymphomania.

Having been on the pill for so long, I just thought that my diminishing sex drive was in small part due to the hormones but in larger part due me growing out of teenagehood. This proved not to be so.  So, the past few days have been interjected with me pigging out on porn and literotica and fantasizing and responding accordingly to the physical/sexual demands of such activity (read: masturbating) I spend most of my waking hours contemplating taking a sick day to help out with my renewed lusts for sex. While distracting, I also found that my general mood was changing; every day I feel happier and more light hearted and that my self-esteem is improving – I can’t tell if my body looks better or I just felt sexier, good both ways really.   Suddenly, I wanan revert to my high school days – the experimenting, the sex outdoors, short skirts and naked pictures for naked pictures sake.  I wanna roll around in in cartoon colored underwear with M and reignite my love affair with S&M which might be due to the loss of hypersensitivity in my skin caused by the contraceptive, though, clearly, I am no doctor. And I feel compelled to get more ink done and a new piercing AND AND AND I want red meat.

I’m genuinely happy and horny, I can’t think of a better cure for the recession blues.

*The title is made up for synonyms for the word HORNY


F*ck you CVS, I wanna f*ck

October 12, 2008

Made a trip to the CVS to get another season’s worth of pills – I still dread this trip because I know my parents’ insurance for me will be cut off at any moment, it could be a $15 trip or a $75+ one. I can never tell. Luckily it’s still $15 and I can go on with my cyst-free, mittelsmertz-free, baby-free existence. Thank the sweet lord.

So anyway, while I’m waiting for my prescription to be filled, I mosey on down to the family planning section to see what exciting new lubes awaited me. They were all there to be sure, planted next to their latex and lambskin brethren but they were caught in some sort of plastic prison. There were buttons and levers and directions. I, for the life of me, could not see the point of all the stuff but I was certainly discouraged from trying to obtain any of those things. A little further down the aisle were the home pregnancy tests behind lock and key and a sign, “Please contact a salesperson for assistance”

I pray that all these provisions were in place to prevent theft. Even so, aren’t the purchase of these family planning items enough stress without going through all kinds of due process and noisy contraptions? I recall a particular late period, going to buy a pregnancy test…I was younger and I knew what sort of stares buying such a thing would attract. Indeed I got enough looks just being in the aisle – I was nervous, I was scared and incredibly paranoid. It took all I had just to get to the aisle, to the register and out the door. If I had to ask for “assistance” (which I imagine would have rushed me through the selection process), I think I might have lost the nerve. Lord knows I wasn’t or ever will be the only stupid, god-fearing, scared witless teenager to buy a home pregnancy test or condoms, for that matter, so I saw those locks and levers and just felt sad.

When I picked up my prescription I asked the pharmacist about the reasoning behind the family planning lockdown. She told me that “It’s just the way it is here, it just depends on the CVS” and that’s all I got. I tried for a better answer just to find that none of the employees were really sure what the deal was with the family planning section. So, I guess they expected people who really needed those items to grow pair, steal from somewhere else or go without. My guess is that going without was the choice for those who really needed it.


Birth Control Bonanza: How I Hate the Recession

August 18, 2008


It’s important to note that when it comes to birth control, I’ve tried pretty much the gamut of what’s out there – various oral contraceptives, all sorts of condoms, the patch, and the shot. I’ve gotta say, BC is really just plain annoying – simply wishing conception away would be ideal – but in addition to being annoying, it’s terribly expensive if you like to have sex at all.

Compounded with whatever economic chicanery is making everything expensive and the Deficit Reduction Act of 2005 (how is BC not a priority for low income families??!?!1), BC is gradually turning into a sort of frenemy that I come to resent more and more.


As much as I love the brand I’m on now, I’ve considered ditching it for the sake of more produce on my grocery bill and a decent pair of work shoes. I did some [probably faulty] math though and it turns out that the cost of condoms (a trustworthy brand name) would actually exceed that of the pill.


So, what’s next? The pull-out method? Halved lemon rinds and pig bladders? Prayer? I have to speculate that along with a great deal of other fucked up shit, this recession will leave us with more unwanted children unless we all collectively decide to stop having sex. The one thought that fills me with hope is that I’m a shitty makeshift economist who is fantastically wrong and the birth control will run wild and free throughout the nation on the other side of this economic downturn.


And on an even lighter note, I’m glad to hear about middle schools/high schools offering free birth control and, knowing that my parents’ insurance will run out soon, I can pay a surprise, midnight, crowbar-armed visit when mine runs out.


foxy friday

July 24, 2008

Got birth control troubles?  Don’t we all.

Consider IUDs.  ~$500 for device plus doctor visit and you’re set for the next 5-12 years.  Hard on the wallet in the short term, cost-effective in the long run.  And you don’t have to remember a daily pill, deal with an itchy patch, etc.

And in other news, it’s Friday, or it will be shortly.  Guess what that means…

Madame Hovary will very likely get laid after attending the theatre and imbibing a beer at the Harp and FIddle.  Aaaaand, her walls are thin.  And, she has yet to find a way to fuck discretely.

Her roommates are very gracious about it, but Mme. Hovary is attempting to remain on good terms with them for the duration of her yearlong lease.  Which probably precludes, you know, being a loud fuck.

With four people in the apt, it’s hard to wrangle an empty house, and Ms. Bovary is without a car.  Her main squeeze hasn’t a room of his own.  So my place is by default the den of sin.

Quiet sex is low fun, and probably means it’s not doing it for me.   So what to do?  Can’t I have my cake and eat it too?  Is a gag/dungeon the only solution?