Posts Tagged ‘relationships’


Played with Fire, Got Burned, Whatever Whatever

January 9, 2010

It’s inevitable. In the world of BDSM, you’re gunna encounter crazies because not everyone comes into the lifestyle the way they should. Some of us are lucky enough to have that safe, sane, consensual kinky lover who opens us up and reaveals  and molds the kink there. Some, after tolerating the vanilla world long enough, stumble upon porn or literature that presents something new and exciting to try with the next partner. But alas, some – far too many in fact –  come from abuse, mental illness, usually and but also or insecurity.

I’d come across the latter before, and this was normally in the form of someone else’s problem er, I mean, partner. I heard horror stories of all kinds and was wary. But, after a number of play partners who were strong and stable, I became soft and let my guard down.

That’a how we come into the recent past where I started dating a submissive, young woman named, let’s say, Elle. In my defense, I suspected that from day one, Elle was a little insane. She called me at all hours, several times a day after our first date. She expressed being hurt that she was crazy about me but I didn’t return the sentiment…after the first date. She was frustatingly indirect and passive aggressive with me but insisted otherwise. Before our second date even, I said I was done with her because of the number of calls and demands.

But somehow we became fuck buddies – admittedly I was starved for sex at the time and happy to have a petite, masochistic body to play with. Actually, this may have been my first encounter with someone who genuinely enjoyed physical pain. I could slide my nails through her skin, bite, slap, pull and stretch her and she cried breathlessly for more. Had the craziness not persisted, knife and piercing play probably would have been in our near future. But tendencies like talking and acting like a four-year old child, jealousy, and the kind of emotional attachmant that tends toward obsession started to diminish any attraction to her.

Finally, after putting her job in jeopardy to see me and me not wanting to officially date her (or say those three words), the upper limit of crazy was reached: the insincere suicide threat. She said that she had never considered committing suicide before but, because no one loves her now,  she wants to do it. No no…I think she said “I don’t want to but there’s nothing else to do since no one loves me”  I freaked out and I talked about it with her for some time. It became more and more clear that she had no intention of committing suicide but I played along for a few more hours. At some point she left, saying I didn’t care enough about her or some such nonsense. Anyway, within five hours she told me that I wouldn’t want to see her again cause she’s crazy, that she had no intention to commit suicide ever, she berated me for not caring about her enough and finally she said that she got tickts for us to go on vacation for a week together next month.

Seriously? No. Not in your hare-brained life. I told her as much and that I never wanted to see her again. She said that as an aspiring counselor I should be able to deal with someone like her, someone with emotional issues. Never would I want potential patient and a lover to be the same person. Not ever.

So, anyway, I’m wary again


Moving on –

February 19, 2009


To bigger and better things I’m sure. Moving in with M is a dream – I’ve been daydreaming about the casual and spontaneous sex we’re going to have for about a week now. We haven’t gotten long term time with each other since we first started dating …before college, back in high school days and I’m a little desperate for some one-on-one time. Sure, fucking on a deadline is fun and adventurous, but I’m ready for the more regular  stuff again. And yet…I will sorely miss all my kinky friends and events while I move a whopping forty minutes away for the next few months but I know it’s for the best! Or at least I hope so. Although I will be with my best friend who happens to fuck my brains out pretty decently, I will be away from the co authors of this blog, my favorite sex stores, Friday nights at Bound, and my kinky friends. Good grief.


Now, what to do with that delayed stimulus I got this year in my refund…


Low Posting, so what gives?! (subbie birthday gift ideas?)

December 2, 2008

I assume that’s what my readers are asking themselves. About 1/3 of them are reading that armpit post anyway, so probably not, but I digress.

Two weekends ago, my new gf and my old bf got into a fun little car accident on their way to see me. No one was hurt, thank god, but the car is wrecked to death. We still managed to eventually hang out and have a decent time but the ramifications of the accident loomed in the back of all our minds. Then, I couldn’t participate in the more penetrative activities due to feeling like absolute shit. Now, I’m waiting to hear how messed up my hormones are, M’s back in lock-down study mode at school, and Rae’s in Tennessee sorting her life out.

I’m sick and lonely and horny!!!

I can at least find comfort in the coming holiday season when everything will be better and I can eat my weight in delicious foods again. More importantly, I can give Rae her belated birthday gift …if only I could figure out what that should be. Here’s what I’m thinking:

  • Trip to the local bondage club for drinks, dancing and some
    Or maybe this goatse-esque cake..

    Or maybe this goatse-esque cake..

    birthday spankings no doubt courtesy of a few friends.

  • A collar to match her watch – not really necessary (I think the watch works much better) but she wants one and M and I think they’re pretty cute.
  • Drinks, dinner and a movie date – which SOUNDS boring but can be made fun with little tasks and even littler outfits.

Not that enough people really respond to the polls but I’ll put one up to help decide

Pics will no doubt ensue!


Breaking all the rules (but she was 4 minutes early)

November 21, 2008

I’m living from weekend to weekend these days – work funds all the little dinners, metro cards, and stuff I need to make my weekends as sexy as possible. Although my current unforeseeable lady issues are going to try and stop my endeavors this weekend, I will have a sexy weekend with M and Rae dammit.


Maybe if I made her wear a Dunce cap..

Rae was sweet enough to come over last night and help clean the house up for M’s arrival (later today). Since our relationship was as of last weekend made a decidely more BDSM-y one, I’ve been somewhat conflicted in addressing all the disciplinary transgressions while we’re just hangin out and giggling about regular BFF topics. Par exemple, I told Rae to be at my house at 6:30 – as per our agreement she didn’t give excuses (just some argumentative-like pondering) – I expected her to be there at 06:30:00 or later. Lo and behold, as I approach my home, I see Rae perched on my stoop at 6:26! I’m so elated that I give her her first “good girl” to which she beams brightly and squirms around. Unfortunately, she came in without being invited which is a Don’t on our list of rules. Sigh. Later on, she forgets more and gets too…excited maybe to follow certain directions.

I honestly have no idea what’s going on in her head; I’ll tell her to replace 4 cups of water from my betta’s tank…she drains the whole thing…so maybe 8 cups in I ask “How many cups did I say to replace?” and she’ll ponder, sigh, and tell me “four”. This happens ALL THE TIME. I’m not nearly serious enough to keep from laughing because it’s just silly how she hears me but doesn’t listen and how “actively listening” is on her To Do list.

All this is taking place while we’re tidying up and cooking and screwing around, so do I ruin a perfectly good moment to address her negligence? I suppose it’s either that or tally up the issues to take care of another time. Luckily M and I will have time tonight to discuss this issue – he thinks that I’m too much of a disciplinarian but not a strict enough punisher. Anyway, it’ll be a great way to spend a Friday night at least until Rae gets home from her show.

By the way, the French Word of the Day on my calendar was “gâtée” which means spoiled; the example sentence is “C’est une enfant gâtée”. Coincidence?


From date to fucktoy sub to gf in ____ seconds flat.

November 10, 2008

Have you ever watched one of the home decorating shows where an entire room’s theme is based on a significant object? Well, I recently rearranged my room with the focus being a small space dedicated to a corner and a little, red stool.

As Rae and I have been spending more and more time together, the relationship has slowly matured into something less like a BFF/play partner and more like a girlfriend. I never saw it coming, honestly; in the past I’ve had to decide between gf and fuck toy with neither ending with fond memories or significant tenure.In the past few days, Rae has not so subtly asked for definition in our relationship which is ideally all the BDSM-y bits that interject our hang out time now and being all girly and giggly with plenty of hugs and kisses. So what is a girl to do with such an unusual hybrid?

Rearrange the room.

Yesterday, I decided calling Rae my girlfriend felt about right and her eyes lit right up when I told her so. At this time, I had already decided that my room needed a change – clothes, boxes, art supplies and furniture are all strewn about my room – but I could hardly settle on an arrangement. Rae and I shopped for food, took sexy pictures on our journey and talked about what sort of relationship we could have. She went to her show afterwards, telling me she’d come back later that night to hang out with me. As soon as she left, I immediately went to work making a suitable space for her, something about this little stool in the house needed to be linked to Rae. The stool sits humbly in a bare corner with bare walls in my room, Rae came over last night, marveled at my new set up and perched herself right on that stool like it was put there just for her. I was elated!

So, of course I tied her limbs to it in some pretty elaborate knots and did something like sensation play for a few hours. Orgasms, wetness, and post orgasm giggles later, we curled up together in my bed to sleep very soundly. The bed was sweet and soft and warm; the stool was none of those. My room finally feels just right…I have a space where Rae is my gf and a space where she’s my plaything, with the transition being a fairly easy one.

*sighs dreamily*